It can be hard to know exactly the right time to have a baby with your partner. “In truth chances are you’ll never feel totally ready, even when you actually are”, says Joe Barnes former editor of FHM and dad of two.
With Joe’s help we’ve created a short test to help see if it’s time to take the plunge into fatherhood. Agree with the statements below and, congratulations, you’re ready to go forth and procreate…
Sleep is completely overrated
A good night’s sleep? Remember those? Probably not once you’ve had kids. You’ll be so sleep deprived you’ll barely remember you own name, and you’ll find yourself doing things like forgetting why you went to the fridge, only to realise you’re not even at the fridge, you’re in the garden, in your pants, in a thunderstorm.
Talking about sleep is really interesting
Small talk, office talk, big talk. No matter the scenario or question you’ll reach into your brain for something interesting to say and all that will come back is “I had three hours sleep last night” or the hugely enlightening “I’m so tired”.
It’s OK to go to work with yoghurt on your shirt
Just because you become a dad doesn’t mean that you instantly have to dress like one. What you will have to accept though is that your crisp clean shirts and pressed trousers are now magnets for sloppy food and runny noses. If you see a fellow father at work with a child’s snail trail on his shoulder, give him a nod that says “I know your pain, brother”.
You have nothing of value in your house
Pristine material objects, who needs them, eh? Laptops, flatscreens, posh cars… all have more character once they’re covered in fingerprints, scratches and unidentifiable gunk. Your once white sofa, honestly, it looks kind of cool covered in green felt tip.
You’re happy to watch films at least a year after they’ve come out
The only people you’ll be able to talk to about movies is other dads who, like you, have long had to kiss their cinema-going days goodbye. Avoiding spoilers at work will become a skill you’ll need to master with ninja-like finesse – unless you’re the boss, in which case it seems only fair to make spoiling plot twists a sackable offense.
You have ample space on your phone for baby pictures
Soon those snaps of big nights out with mates will be replaced by endless pictures of baby eating, baby sort of smiling, baby in bath, baby not smiling, baby sort of frowning. And of course, you aging rapidly.
As your kid grows and develops, your little bundle of joy will soon start asking probing questions that expose just how little you know. “Why is the sky blue?”, “What type of tree is this?”, and “why does mummy spend so much time with Jack from next door when you’re at work?”
You love clothes, but hate shopping?
Having kids will also leave little time for shopping for clothes (not that you’ll miss traipsing round a city centre on a Saturday looking for a good white shirt) – so let your The Chapar personal stylist do the hard work for you.
Your stylist will handpick the right clothes to fit your style, preferences and budget. Enter your details here, and a stylist will call you to learn about your tastes.